I remember watching Ellen and Mom have a "discussion" in the laundry room under the stairs. I must have come in to get something and had to stand there and wait for Mom. Our laundry room was tiny, and you couldn’t really pass someone in it without squeezing. Ellen was trapped, further in than Mom. Since I was behind Mom, I could see Ellen’s face. It was obvious to me that she was in quite a bit of pain. Must be another of her headaches. Her face was a little pale and wore that tensely-trying-to-relax look that I have come to recognize on someone still functioning under a massive headache.

Mom was telling her that she didn’t understand why she always had a bad attitude. She didn’t understand what was wrong between her and Ellen. She needed Ellen to communicate more with her. And why didn’t Ellen ever smile? I think Mom was crying.

Ellen was trying to explain that she didn’t have a bad attitude, she had a headache. She didn’t smile because she had headaches. There wasn’t anything wrong between them. Ellen was trying to communicate. She needed Mom to quit assuming what Ellen was thinking and feeling.

I think I remember this instance in particular because it was the first time that I realized Ellen was making sense and Mom wasn’t. All I had to do was look at Ellen’s face, and I knew what was wrong, more or less. But Mom didn’t. She looked at Ellen and saw a bad attitude, resentment, and a cold shoulder, even though she knew that Ellen had headaches almost constantly. I didn’t process it right then because I didn’t know what to do with the information that Mom couldn’t understand what was obvious to me.