I remember, when I was somewhere between 5-8 years old, I was given the chore of vacuuming our large kitchen and dining room. I hated cleaning the floor because I was always sure to miss something. I thought the hard surface attachment to the vacuum never worked well, but I wasn’t much better with a broom. Mom told me to do it with the vacuum this time, because the vacuum was easier to use. Her opinion, even though it changed regularly, was usually stated as absolute fact.

I used the vacuum. I didn’t have a bad attitude; I just didn’t look forward to the, from my view, interminably long chore. I vacuumed some, but then I found a trail of wood ants somewhere along the floor. That house was infested with wood ants. I found that it was very satisfying to suck them up with the vacuum, much more satisfying than generally rubbing it over the floor never sure if it was getting cleaner or not. Without conscious decision I quickly became focused on chasing ants around the floor. Sometime later, I don’t know how long, Mom came into the room and was shocked to see that I hadn’t gotten farther then I did. I had been alone in the room until then, with no supervision.

Her voice broke my focus, “What on earth are you doing?”

I looked up, startled, and my heart sank. How was I supposed to explain that I had been chasing ants? This time, she wasn’t particularly angry. She was almost gentle.

“Were you doing what I told you to do?”

“No, Ma’am.”

“I’m going to have to give you a spanking for not obeying me.”

Gulp, silent nod, “But, I just got distracted . . . I’ll stop now! I’ll finish vacuuming real quick.”

“Is getting distracted a good excuse to disobey me?”

“No, Ma’am.”

“Come get a spanking.”

I put down the vacuum and slowly went to her room for a spanking. The spanking was over quickly and she sat me on her lap afterwards, wiping off my tears. She always gave us lectures after a spanking, I don’t remember the words to this one, but I remember she was still gentle. She seemed genuinely sorry that I hadn’t obeyed her and was hopeful the spanking would keep me from forgetting what I was doing in the future. She sent me back to vacuum again making a joke that I was the only daughter of hers that would get distracted chasing ants.

I went back to the vacuum crying furious tears. I wasn’t mad at Mom. I didn’t think that maybe I didn’t deserve a spanking for being an eight year old that couldn’t stay on task indefinitely. I was mad at myself. Angry enough to explode. HOW, could I POSSIBLY have gotten distracted AGAIN! What was wrong with me?! When was I going to stop it! Hadn’t I gotten enough spankings? When was I ever going to learn! I was so STUPID. I hated those stupid ants. I was NEVER going to lose focus like that again. I was going to focus; really focus this time, and not EVER forget again.

I don’t remember what happened on this particular occasion. Did I finish vacuuming before losing focus again? It’s hard to say. I would often get spanked multiple times for not finishing chores fast enough, for forgetting a chore, or for getting distracted. Even if ‘getting distracted’ was my tendency to over clean areas Mom didn’t care about.

It was important to finish chores within the time Mom believed it should take. The time set might be reasonable for an adult who was familiar with the housework, but never for an unsupervised child. It was equally important to finish them in the right way. Too detailed, and you would take too much time; not detailed enough and you would be called back multiple times, and probably get spanked for laziness.

To unload and load a dishwasher, wash any hand dishes, and wipe down the kitchen should take half an hour even though there were 6 family members to clean up after. Sometimes there were two of us doing it (which only meant more fighting) but the time didn’t change either way. Only since being married have I realized; as an adult, it takes me about an hour to clean a kitchen to Mom’s standard when it is just me and my husband making the mess.